Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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