she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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