I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
