if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
