But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
