He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
