John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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