I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
