You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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