When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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