:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
