If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
