apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
