So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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