How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
