it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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