I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
