There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
