where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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