You made me cry and you don't even care
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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