Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
