did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
