plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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