I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
