I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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