I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
