Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my shit smells like andre
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
