I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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