I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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