remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
