My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
