I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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