that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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