what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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