I need help removing her.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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