I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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