Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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