bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
