fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
50% drunk capacity currently
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
