I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
