i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
