its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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