If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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