hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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