i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh god the rape fog is back!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
