New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
