There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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