highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I touched a dick in church today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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