I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
