So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
