you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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